Riddance of clutter

4/3/2007, 4/4/2007   

"I have a need
of such a clearance
as the savior effected in the temple of Jerusalem
a riddance of the clutter
of what is secondary
that blocks the way
to the all-important central emptiness
which is filled
with the presence of God alone."

          Jean Danielou


Yes I need the riddance of all the clutter in my mind. I am desperate for my thoughts to be clear. How do people become so mean? I now understand why divorce’s can be so nasty and hateful. I am so confused and hurt by the words my husband now feels the need to throw at me. Now that he is not living in this house apparently it is okay for him to tell me I am mean, arrogant, demanding, and I have beat him down. I will agree with the demanding but mean and arrogant I will never concur with. Plus if I am so horrible why is he comfortable driving the car my father gave him and  staying in my mother’s townhouse. Okay that is enough dirty laundry and I should delete this post but I need clearance. Maybe by posting this all the anger that is ravaging my insides will disappear and be replaced with love. I need to be filled with God’s love so I can be understanding and loving.

Note: I must clarify the above post. When I spoke of divorce I was not referring to  myself, we have not made that decision. I have several friends who went through horrible, nasty divorce’s. I never understood where the meanness came from…rather I was very judgmental and critical. Now I realize that fear causes all this anger. Fear from both people.  (I have thrown  nasty words at my husband).  Marriage is so incredibly difficult. I admire those marriages and relationships that are not burdened by fear. I wish you all a fearless weekend.

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One Response to Riddance of clutter

  1. joan says:

    What you are doing here is necessary and liberating…
    it is okay to not hit delete, it helps to validate your feelings and support your situation.
    Remember beautiful heart, the hurtful mud slinging comes from a place of inner chaos and darkness, and transference of blame.
    You keep doing exactly what you need to do and I will stand beside you and pray for more love.

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