2/11/07 "Healing is not forcing the sun to shine but letting go of that which blocks the sun." Stephen & Ondrea Levine
I know looking back I tried desperately hard to sit still and listen. I remember feeling bewildered and thinking what am I missing? I kept rereading my journals as if I was staring at a magic blackboard that was going to give me my answers. I wondered was I not ready to sit still? But no I was sitting still but I was not hearing anything. Were my ears filled with cotton? All my ears could hear was my constant internal chatter.
From my vantage point of today I understand it is hard to still this time of year. I know today I am aching to be outside working in the yard but it is to cold. I think the high today will be 26 with a bitter wind. I want to see green which symbolizes new beginnings. I am tired of gray and brown. I also notice this time of year I feel the need to change my schedule and wake up earlier. But I can hardly drag myself out of bed at 7:00 A.M. So who am I kidding why am I setting my alarm for 6:00 A.M.?
Okay what do I need to let go off? What am I resisting? What is holding me back? What am I scared off? Maybe I need to stop searching so hard for an answer. Could that be my answer am I simple trying to hard. Do I just need to relax and feel the warmth of the sun? Should I follow the examples of my dogs who follow the sun around the house?
So this morning I followed my heart when my Kathleen neighbor called ask me to help her put a coat of briwax on her bathroom cabinet I said yes. When I walked in her kitchen what was I greeted with but a plethora of food from New York city. Fresh semolina bread, mozzarella cheese, bagels, pastries, and strong Irish tea. Not only did I have a fabulous breakfast but I was also given a huge to go bag. All I did was put the final finishes on a base cabinet and I was treated like a queen. So I let go of all the things I thought I needed to do and enjoyed the warmth of sunshine generated by friendship. So for today I pledge to honor the importance of friendship. When I looked at the pictures Megan downloaded on my computer I smiled. I was reminded of the joys of friendship when we were young and how we still need to honor those friendships today.